Friday, December 09, 2016

Do it Yourself – or else
                                                  John Riminton

Hera was in a foul mood – shouldering her way through the minions on her way to see Zeus – and why not? It was winter and she had just lost a dozen of her devotees on the way up the mountain to her favourite shrine on Olympus. Zeus was going to have to do something about that damned snow.

As Patroness of Marriage it calmed her fractious heart to see the women struggling up the mountain in the vain hope that she would intervene in their disastrous relationships. Sure, the shrine wasn't as grand as the one at far-away, sunny Argos but, at least from here, she could watch them making their futile but gratifying sacrifices – and then that thrice-cursed avalanche wipes 'em out! This could mean that others would be put off during the whole winter – three months without a sacrifice – it made a goddess's blood boil.

Zeus, as usual was having one of his fantasies, having it off with some wretched mortal girl as a swan or a bull or something. Not that he need look in her direction any more- all those kids and she had never fancied making love to her brother, but that didn't mean that she was going to let him off his responsibilities as the Father of the Gods.

She stormed into his presence, shattering his dreams.

You've got to do something about the weather around this mountain. Twelve of my pilgrims have just been wiped out and it is not good enough – why can't we have perpetual summer on the slopes?”

Zeus sighed and went into placatory mode:
Hera, you know that it is not as simple as that. If I stop it snowing here there will be weather repercussions all over the world. Poseidon will be furious. You know how he hates having to deal will all those supplications from drowning fishermen. Just think of it – if a butterfly flapping its wings in Crete can cause a storm to sink Atlantis, what do think the effect of large-scale climate change would be?”

To Hades with Poseidon and his fishermen. I'm the Mother of Gods and I'm not going to have my worshippers put off my cult – so do something”

Well, of course, you could go and do it yourself and stand guard over the shrine. Think of the effect on the cult if worshippers saw an approaching avalanche divide around them, leaving them safe. The word would be around Greece in a week and the Argos shrine would be over-whelmed with offerings”.

I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my immortality. Do you think that the Mother of Gods has got nothing better to do than wrap her arms around a bunch of mortals? I've got the whole of Olympus to run; you expect me to keep an eye on those wretched Nordic Gods, Odin and that lot while that son of our Ares is always trying to stir up trouble somewhere.”

Well, we could always advertise for an avalanche watcher and employ a mortal, offering him a Dryad on the side”.

Now, that is a good idea”.

But they were still advertising in 2008.


We require an avalanche fore-caster
for the coming – season. Must have
Avalanche level 2 and min two years
previous forecasting experience. This
person will be responsible for all snow
safety on Mt. Olympus for the coming
season. Contact........

Christchurch “Press”

7 May 2008.

1 comment:

  1. I am still smiling John. What a great story. I must tell Thérèse to read it.